


Meet Me

by L122ytorch



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11496462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L122ytorch/pseuds/L122ytorch
Summary: Elliot reaches out to Olivia. She asks to see him one last time.





	1. Chapter 1

If you listened close enough, you would hear the sound of a heart breaking. Like the crushing weight of devastation was a physical force, pressing into her chest, sending web-like cracks through the ice that had grown thin over the years.

The phone’s face glowed, illuminating the crestfallen expression written all over her face. Her eyes watered. She told herself it was from staring at his words on the screen for so long, but it wasn’t. 

He reached out to her after her latest trauma, after Lewis abducted her. She narrowly escaped with her life, nightmares still haunted her sleep. But there was one shining light in the darkness…Elliot had messaged her, asked if she was okay. They sent a few messages back and forth. 

She tried to convince herself that it was sweet of him to reach out. But it wasn’t. It was painful. Seeing his name in her email felt like a knife slicing open an old wound. Sweet would have been him showing up. She asked…asked if she could see him, just once, just fucking once, it didn’t matter how long for…and he said no.

Her world had collapsed. She spent most nights awake, either staring at the ceiling or crying. She wanted one thing before she was dead, to see him, for one minute. 

The buzz of the precinct fluttered around her. The sun was setting over the mammoth buildings that flickered over rush hour streets. Life carried on around her seat, around her desk, but she couldn’t breathe. Did she mean that little to him? God, she felt stupid. Angry. Broken. 

Her mind rebelled, considering for a brief moment just showing up at his fucking work, at his fucking door, forcing him to see her. 

Coward. 

For the first time she saw him as a coward. 

She set the phone down on the desk and leaned back in her chair, taking in a deep but shaking breath. She wanted to crawl inside herself and wither away. She knew of so many cops who had eaten a gun. And even when she told him that she didn’t want to exist…he still didn’t care enough to call…to show up. What kind of person is that? 

She didn’t know Elliot, not anymore, and that was the most brutal realization of all. 

Sure, she had friends. But Olivia was all that Olivia had, and it was never more apparent then in that moment. Then in that moment when he teased her…saying he’d consider meeting with her…only to turn around after a sufficient amount of hounding and say that it was never going to happen. 

There was a flicker of hope there, one he blew on, kindled, the flame grown into a fire, only to be washed away with a shudderingly cold shout of watery reality. 

In many ways, it hurt worse than her hellish nightmare with Lewis. Lewis was a psycho, plain and simple. But Elliot was someone who knew her better than anyone. She would take a bullet for him and he wouldn’t take a train for her. 

The ride home was painfully long. The taxi seemed to hit every red light, the road seemed to stretch on into an infinite abyss. Finally, it came to a stop at her apartment. She pulled open the door and walked inside, opting for the stairs instead of the elevator. She was in no rush to walk into her empty apartment, curl up in her empty bed, cry some empty tears in her empty shower.

At least the kitchen was the first stop in her small space. It made it easier to grab a bottle of bourbon on her way to the shower. Once she reached the little bathroom, she took a swig of the amber elixir and set it down next between a bottle of Xanax and Lexapro. 

The metal knob of the shower was freezing, she yanked it all the way to the left, until a scalding steam erupted from the shower. She let her clothes fall unceremoniously to the floor before stepping inside. 

She leaned against the tile wall, letting hot tears join the water that surrounded her. It was the most devastating feeling…she felt like she wanted to go home…she was home, but it didn’t feel like home. She longed for an “away.” 

She wished she never met him.


	2. Chapter 2

"No, I won't meet you. I have my reasons."

Those were the words that remained on Olivia's cell phone screen for the next few days. Many times she had to stop herself from reaching for the phone and giving him a piece of her mind. 

She was taken...sexually assaulted...beaten...traumatized...nearly killed...contemplating ending it, and he couldn't put aside five minutes of his life for her? She huffed a laugh, shaking her head, what did she expect? Elliot was a man. Men always looked at things from only their perspective. She wondered if Elliot had taken a few minutes to consider what effect this might have on her? Did he think about what this would mean to her? How she felt? What she needed? Of course not. As all men do, he was only considering his half of the equation. 

Straightening her hair for the work day ahead, Liv made sure to expertly apply her makeup so that the deep bags beneath her bloodshot eyes wouldn't stand out. 

She never should have let that flicker of hope inside her soul. It had been apparent from the day they met that Kathy had his balls in a jar, tucked away in her nightstand drawer. 

They'd spent so much time together, eating ramen in unlit cars during stakeouts, driving around the city until it felt like a living, breathing entity, shuffling through mountains of paperwork. She knew that he was miserable, a fact that he often made clear in discussions. He never wanted to talk bad about Kathy, and he never did, but he did everything short of that. 

There was one time in particular that she came right out and questioned whether or not all of this was worth it. It quickly got him hot under the collar, despite the fact that he had moved out of the house and spent more time talking than anyone else in his life. 

It was when he spat out that she had no one the conversation ended. He fought dirty, that much she knew, and a part of her felt bad for Kathy. An anger-fueled, mean-spirited husband was probably the last thing she looked forward to at the end of a very long day taking care of their kids. Still, she cared deeply for her former partner. And yet, here he was, making her feel worthless in every sense of the word.

Liv took a deep breath in and realized that she forgot to shut off the flat iron. Tendrils of smoke rose from the black tool resting on the sink. She shut it off and ripped the cord from the wall. Looking in the mirror she saw the same face that she always stood across from. Yet there was something different about her features, a darkness, a heaviness, a weariness. 

Abandoned.

That was the word that ran through her mind over and over again. He plagued so many of her waking thoughts and restless dreams. She wanted to erase him, to make him feel the same way she felt right now, in this moment. She wanted him to know what it was like to be left to your own devices when all that's on your mind are suicidal thoughts. 

Not even a fucking phone call.

The more she thought about the entire situation, the more her blood boiled. Work was a distant thought in the far reaches of her mind. Elliot hijacked her consciousness, even more so than her attacker, Lewis. 

Biting her lip she mentally said 'fuck it,' picked up the phone, and typed only one word.

"Coward."

She hit send before rational thought had a chance to get the better of her. Putting on the finishing touch of lipstick, she threw the phone and a pill bottle into her bag and walked towards the front door. But her hand stopped just short of the metal knob. If she kept her personal phone on her, she'd be tempted to check it all day to see how (or if) he'd respond. She wouldn't let him have that power over her, so she scooped the black phone out of her purse and tossed it haphazardly on the kitchen counter before heading out the door.

++++++++

 

The day seemed to drag on and on and on. By her fourth cup of coffee, Olivia was seriously considering going home early. It was painfully obvious to Rollins that her mind was elsewhere. And despite leaving her personal phone at home, Elliot remained on her mind. She was sure that he wouldn't respond though. After all, he proved himself to be rather skilled at leaving people behind.

The worst notion was that she simply never mattered to begin with. 

It was a thought that sent her straight to Patty's after work. The staff there was growing too familiar with the sight of her face. She knew that mixing her anxiety meds with alcohol was a bad idea, but using good judgement was something she had been letting go of lately.

Despite a resounding "fuck off" vibe she was garnering unwanted attention from men. Shit, she was wearing a black button down that survived a hellish day and slacks, it wasn't like she was slithering around a club in a slinky dress. Still, by the time the third guy hit on her, she was ready to slide the olives off the toothpick circling her martini and stab her eyes out with it. 

Surely in a city the size of New York you'd think there'd be a "get lost" bar where people could go to drown their sorrows and be left the hell alone. 

Olivia must have been wearing a beleaguered look on her face because another woman sat down next to her and started commiserating with her about men. It didn't take long for Liv to get the gay vibe from her new friend Alice, but she didn't shy away. Rather the opposite, Liv found the black haired beauty breathtakingly gorgeous and incredibly interesting. So when men would leer at her or her friend, she found herself inching closer and closer to Alice. 

Incredibly, a fourth dumbass decided to try his luck with Olivia. It was some middle aged, overly cocky piss ant who introduced himself by unceremoniously invading Olivia's personal space. Before she even had time to concoct a witty shut down, she felt Alice's hand cover hers and then slide up the forearm she had resting on the bar. And in what seemed like an instant, Alice was kissing Olivia's neck. The cubicle dweller muttered some incoherent apology and shuffled off while Olivia tilted her neck to give Alice better access.

Liv's pulse thrummed like a hummingbird and her mind swam in a clouded haze of lust, pills, and alcohol... until she heard her name. Violently snapping back to reality, Olivia straightened and looked past Alice's now turned head to see her former partner standing just a few yards away.


End file.
